Thoughts on South Carolina

#1
It's funny how things stick with you. I'm staying with my aunt and uncle while in South Carolina visiting family. This is a kind house, everyone here is kind. But on the first day when I heard my uncle talking loudly in the other room, my first split second response was fear. I wanted to lock the door to the bedroom. Of course I'm not a prisoner to my instinctual response, so I'm absolutely fine now, but I realized deep down I carry this protective behavior with me.

#2
Woke up this morning with a smile on my face feeling happy to be here visiting family. Well there was that alternating with the desire that someone would lay behind me and put three fingers inside of me. Cock may go deep but fingers go wide, and I wanted wide. (I've never actually had a real live cock, only many many dildos. Maybe one day. Sigh.)

#3
My grandmother's back yard is a wonderland of tall azalea bushes, taller camellia bushes and even taller pine trees. As the adults were getting food ready and the kids were running around the yard, I used an old carving knife to gather some of the pretty flowers into a bouquet for the table.

#4
Many of my South Carolina family members are racist.  My kind Uncle D had a job a few years back at an auto supply store. While I was up there, the explained he had to quit because he "Couldn't stand the niggers." By his definition, these would be black people who ordered the wrong parts for their car and got upset when the parts didn't work. My cousin S has a concealed weapon permit.  She brought her loaded pistol with her to pick me up at the train station because it was located in a bad neighborhood. Fair enough, but both cousin S and cousin B commented on the "commuters" getting off the train, assuming that they would take advantage of me or of my aunt and uncle if they had come to pick me up. The only thing they had in common was that they all looked tired.  Only a handful of them were white. One lady had her hair in curlers. That cracked me up a little, but whatever, she was on the train not a Paris runway.

In my twenties, I would have challenged everything they said. I challenged anything anyone said that I didn't agree with.  This also meant I felt aggrieved much of the time. Now I don't have the energy, and I don't feel the need to fight every battle every time. My jaw dropped when my Uncle said the N word.  I wasn't really surprised by what my cousins said at the train station.  I suppose for them the presence of a black person = potential criminal. If I thought that way I'd never leave my house because I'd be surrounded by CRIMINALS! So it's weird.  I love these people and, aside from my mom and brother, they are the only family I have. I disagree with much of their worldview. Oh well.

Tehuana in baile costume by SMU Central University Libraries

Elementary Eleemosynary

I encountered a new word today.  It is so odd looking: eleemosynary - of, relating to, or supported by charity. According to Merriam Webster, it comes from the Medieval Latin eleemosynarius, from Late Latin eleemosyna  meaning alms. First Known Use: circa 1616. 

I found it is a description of county council legislation to provide preferential zoning criteria for charitable organizations. 

Raising Xmas fund for Salvation Army (LOC) by The Library of Congress, on Flickr

The "Lone Star" Belle by SMU Central University Libraries

Citizen Science: The Zooniverse!!!!

Zooniverse is one of my absolute favorite websites- a citizen scientist's paradise. I don't think I'm so good at analyzing cancer cells, determining the diameter of a cyclone's eye, determining the shape of galaxies imaged by the Hubble Telescope, or spotting solar flares. I also get frustrated categorizing bat and whale vocalizations. I've tried, and I can't even tell what I'm seeing or hearing. More power to those who can.

I'll write soon about four projects that I love involving WWI British Navy weather logs, sea life, pictures of the Serengeti, and ancient Greek papyrus fragments. At the office instead of playing spider solitaire and 3d mah jongg exclusively, I work on these when I need a break from my spreadsheets. I use my brainpower for good while seeing interesting artifacts and amazing animals.

Citizen Scientists: BOINC

For a almost a decade now I've had BOINC on my computer, allowing it to analyze data while I'm not using my computer. The program takes care of the download and upload itself.  All I have to do is provide parameters for its use of of the internet.  From their website:

Use the idle time on your computer (Windows, Mac, or Linux) to cure diseases, study global warming, discover pulsars, and do many other types of scientific research. It's safe, secure, and easy. 

After a minute and a half of inactivity, BOINC runs data from one of the four projects I've selected. From their websites:

Climateprediction.net runs climate models to forecast changes in climate

SETI@home is a scientific experiment that uses Internet-connected computers in the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence (SETI). You can participate by running a free program that downloads and analyzes radio telescope data.

The malariacontrol.net project is an application that makes use of network computing for stochastic modelling of the clinical epidemiology and natural history of Plasmodium falciparum malaria.

Rosetta@home needs your help to determine the 3-dimensional shapes of proteins in research that may ultimately lead to finding cures for some major human diseases. By running the Rosetta program on your computer while you don't need it you will help us speed up and extend our research in ways we couldn't possibly attempt without your help. You will also be helping our efforts at designing new proteins to fight diseases such as HIV, Malaria, Cancer, and Alzheimer's.

There are so many other projects involving quantum physics, astronomy, medical research,  ecosystem studies, and mathematics.  I'd love to add them all but I'd never be able to get the assignments back on time. This is a great way to use electricity and computing power that would otherwise be wasted to benefit society.  It makes me a little warm and fuzzy.

Voluntary Chronic Sleep Deprivation

My mom was up for a visit this week. The week before that was the Week From Hell.  My dog had major surgery necessitating a 3 night hospital stay, and my car required two visits to the shop. Coordinating rides from the garage to my office and back was an inconvenience, but nothing I couldn't handle.  Likewise with the dog, it was stressful knowing he was there, but he was having surgery not me.  I could handle it. Even the two of these things combined like they were was fine. Stressful but not unmanageable.

What made the week so bad was that atop the flame of stressful events, I added the potent fuel of exhaustion. Then it spiraled out of control.

Backstory: I've been living this way for at least 3 years. Burning during the week- staying up too late for no good reason -  then crashing on the weekends - sleeping most of Saturday and Sunday to make up for it. I'll stay up to watch something stupid like Grey's Anatomy, a show I could easily get from Netflix and watch on my own schedule. But Netflix isn't some kind of savior. I'll stay up watching 4 episodes of Dexter on a weeknight.  Sometimes I'll shower and lay in bed with a magazine in front of me, too tired to make sense of the words I'm reading. Yet I stay up staring at the magazine. During the day I'm not as alert and productive as I could be. Household chores and social occasions are routinely overlooked on the weekends because I just need more fucking sleep. I lose much needed social connection and feel bad about not keeping up my house.  It's a big nasty negative vortex.

Why?  Oh, there are reasons. Lots of them, but at this point I don't give a shit.  It's a lack of willpower and discipline. It stops tonight.  The tv is now on a vacation timer so it will shut off every night at 9pm. At 9pm, no matter what I'm doing, it's upstairs to shower and relax before bed. Lights out at 10pm. 10-7 will get me my 9 hours.

That will be the slogan for this effort: 9pm for my 9 hours!

This is the one thing I am going to get right, starting right now. Breaking these habits will be tough. If there is anyone out there reading this, please send me some get-on-a-schedule thoughts of goodwill.