My mom was up for a visit this week. The week before that was the Week From Hell. My dog had major surgery necessitating a 3 night hospital stay, and my car required two visits to the shop. Coordinating rides from the garage to my office and back was an inconvenience, but nothing I couldn't handle. Likewise with the dog, it was stressful knowing he was there, but he was having surgery not me. I could handle it. Even the two of these things combined like they were was fine. Stressful but not unmanageable.
What made the week so bad was that atop the flame of stressful events, I added the potent fuel of exhaustion. Then it spiraled out of control.
Backstory: I've been living this way for at least 3 years. Burning during the week- staying up too late for no good reason - then crashing on the weekends - sleeping most of Saturday and Sunday to make up for it. I'll stay up to watch something stupid like Grey's Anatomy, a show I could easily get from Netflix and watch on my own schedule. But Netflix isn't some kind of savior. I'll stay up watching 4 episodes of Dexter on a weeknight. Sometimes I'll shower and lay in bed with a magazine in front of me, too tired to make sense of the words I'm reading. Yet I stay up staring at the magazine. During the day I'm not as alert and productive as I could be. Household chores and social occasions are routinely overlooked on the weekends because I just need more fucking sleep. I lose much needed social connection and feel bad about not keeping up my house. It's a big nasty negative vortex.
Why? Oh, there are reasons. Lots of them, but at this point I don't give a shit. It's a lack of willpower and discipline. It stops tonight. The tv is now on a vacation timer so it will shut off every night at 9pm. At 9pm, no matter what I'm doing, it's upstairs to shower and relax before bed. Lights out at 10pm. 10-7 will get me my 9 hours.
That will be the slogan for this effort: 9pm for my 9 hours!
This is the one thing I am going to get right, starting right now. Breaking these habits will be tough. If there is anyone out there reading this, please send me some get-on-a-schedule thoughts of goodwill.
