#1
It's funny how things stick with you. I'm staying with my aunt and uncle
while in South Carolina visiting family. This is a kind house, everyone
here is kind. But on the first day when I heard my uncle talking loudly
in the other room, my first split second response was fear. I wanted to
lock the door to the bedroom. Of course I'm not a prisoner to my
instinctual response, so I'm absolutely fine now, but I realized deep
down I carry this protective behavior with me.
#2
Woke up
this morning with a smile on my face feeling happy to be here visiting
family. Well there was that alternating with the desire that someone
would lay behind me and put three fingers inside of me. Cock may go deep
but fingers go wide, and I wanted wide. (I've never actually had a real
live cock, only many many dildos. Maybe one day. Sigh.)
#3
My grandmother's back yard is a wonderland of tall azalea bushes,
taller camellia bushes and even taller pine trees. As the adults were
getting food ready and the kids were running around the yard, I used an
old carving knife to gather some of the pretty flowers into a bouquet
for the table.
#4
Many of my South Carolina family members
are
racist. My kind Uncle D had a job a few years back at an auto supply
store. While I was up there, the explained he had to quit because he
"Couldn't stand the niggers." By his
definition, these would be black people who ordered the wrong parts for
their car and got upset when the parts didn't work. My cousin S has a
concealed weapon permit. She brought her loaded pistol with her to pick
me up at the train station because it was located in a bad
neighborhood.
Fair enough, but both cousin S and cousin B commented on the "commuters"
getting off the train, assuming that they would take advantage of me or
of my aunt and uncle if they had come to pick me up. The only thing
they had in common was that they all looked tired. Only a handful of
them were white. One lady had her hair in curlers. That cracked me up a
little, but whatever, she was
on the train not a Paris runway.
In my twenties, I would have
challenged everything they said. I challenged anything anyone said that I
didn't agree with. This also meant I felt aggrieved much of the time.
Now I don't have the energy, and I don't feel the need to fight every
battle every time. My jaw dropped when my Uncle said the N word. I
wasn't really surprised by what my cousins said at the train station. I
suppose for them the presence of a black person = potential criminal.
If I thought that way I'd never leave my house because I'd be surrounded
by CRIMINALS! So it's weird. I love these people and, aside from my
mom and brother,
they are the only family I have. I disagree with much of their
worldview. Oh well.
