Military Sexual Assault - How it Keeps the Ladies Away

When I was a high school senior in 1995, military recruiters called my house about once a month.

I am a smart lady; I would have been a good soldier, but I would not consider joining the military. You could not have paid me enough to join.
 
I learned about Tailhook and other sexual harassment and sexual assault cases through the news. The military was not safe then. It is not safe today.

Sexual assaults will happen - to women, men, boys and girls.  It is what society does about these crimes that matters. The military has a history of doing basically...........nothing.
 
In today's news we learn that Lt. Col. James Wilkerson is one lucky man- convicted of rape but set free by his boss. From the Washington Post: "The pilot, Lt. Col. James Wilkerson, had been found guilty in November by an all-male jury at Aviano Air Base in Italy in what was seen as a test case of the Air Force’s willingness to tackle such crimes."

Why is the composition of the jury mentioned?  One supposes that an all-male jury wouldn't convict one of its own for a frivolous wishy-washy rape accusation. Since a group of men convicted him, Lt. Col. James Wilkerson must have committed Rape Rape.  Since it was Rape Rape, it is all the more shocking that Lt. Gen. Craig A. Franklin, commander of the Third Air Force in Europe, acquitted him and set him free.

Congress is all upset, but Congress sets the rules for the military. If it is not happy with the system it has created, change it.

The Invisible War by Kirby Dick details the stories of men and women who survived sexual assault only to face condescension and outright hostility from their peers and superiors. If this documentary helps change the Armed Forces, and the chew-women-up-and-spit-them-out culture no longer thrives, the pool of young women willing to join will expand.

Thoughts on Town Hall Debate

Before I listen to what other people think of the debate, here are my impressions:

• Why did Mitt Romney have a horrible scowl on his face when, during his closing statement, he said, "I love children."

• Mitt Romney and the President Obama both argued with the moderator Candi Crowley like they were brothers trying to get the front seat of the car. I was completely childish and makes me think poorly of them both. The best (and by that I mean worst) point was when Mitt Romney snapped, "NO" and turned away from Candi Crowley when she asked him to move on to another question. Who does that?

• Mitt Romney was more aggressive towards the moderator than Obama.  Women don't like watching male political figures charging and bullying female political figures. (See Hillary Clinton's senate debate against Rick Lazio.)  If Mitt Romney was trying to keep his share of female voters he gained after Obama's lackluster performance in the first debate, he may have turned them off with his argumentativeness and threatening body language.

• I suspect Romney took from the success of his first debate performance that aggressiveness works and that for the second debate he should go big or go home. I was very uncomfortable when Mitt Romney was in President Obama's face challenging him on his pension fund and on other issues. It was also disconcerting that Mitt Romney turned his back to the camera to go on these attacks. On a gut level, I felt he was trying to provoke the president into throwing a punch.

• Mitt Romney said he thought everyone should have access the contraception. Many social conservatives disagree, and I wonder if he will backpedal.

Thoughts on Rape Culture by Cydian Rake

How tolerating the rape culture is keeping your dick dry
by Cydian Rake

This post is addressed to the dudes in the crowd. All you ladies might want to leave the room, because I’m going to try my best to talk to these guys just like I see them talk to each other in the movies.

OK dude, have all the ladies left?

Good. *Ahem*

You are a fucking moron.

No shit, you are actually making things harder on yourself and every other guy out there who is trying to get laid.

Yeah, YOU!

Every time you are a misogynist, an angel closes her legs.

Every time you think to yourself that the careful etiquette that women (and men) are trying to create in order to combat the rape culture is just a bunch of feminist nonsense, women everywhere are that much less inclined to go out, and that much less likely to wear something sexy when they do.

Every time you fail to make eye contact with a woman you are sexing up, every time you fail to notice that a woman isn’t having such a great time, every time you fail to speak up when you see a woman looking uncomfortable with another dude, somewhere a woman decides that she just isn’t that into sex.

Every time you whistle at a woman walking down the street, or grab ass on someone without getting permission from her lips (or *at least* from her eyes), every time you speak to a woman like she owes you sex, or take the easy way and make a really bad rape joke at the expense of your audience member (Yes, Tosh, I’m looking at you), and every time you stand by and watch that shit happen, or even defend the douchebag who did it, somewhere else a woman says no to a man, gets an unexplained headache, or asks to be taken home early.

Eventually, that man will be you. And you will believe that her rejection of you is unjust, and you will probably think, or even say, unkind things about her to your friends, or even to her face.

But YOU, you fucking moron, YOU are doing this to yourself.

And I can already see you thinking to yourself all manner of absolute childish tripe and justification after sophomoric justification about how this is “just how women are”:

• • They are aloof, they are cold, they are callous, they enjoy breaking men down and making them beg.
• • OR: They are just being drama queens; the 1 in 4 rape statistic is exaggerated, it’s really 1 in 14.  As if it matters which terrifying statistic is true.  Like semantics is going to somehow make it all OK.
• • OR: They are confused, they don’t know what they want, they need a big strong man to make the decision for them.
• • OR: They just don’t like sex as much as men do, so you have to trick them into it or you’ll never get laid.
• • OR: All they had to do was not walk in that part of town, not wear that outfit, not be such a tease, count to ten and spin around three times.
• • OR: They all want sex but are ashamed to admit it, so they need you to convince/coerce/cajole them into it so they can be relieved of the responsibility of wanting it. See? You were really raping those ladies for their own good. What a generous guy.

Even if any of the above is true, you can’t do something about other people can you?  But we CAN do something about ourselves, and we are lucky enough to be the gender that everyone seems to look to to make the first move.

So, I am going to do you a favor right now.

Now this is only a favor if you can be man enough to shut the fuck up, sit down and read this as if you cared to understand what it is really like for a woman.

Men, you overpower women by sheer muscle mass, your general weight is 60 lbs heavier by average, and as a combat specialist for 10 years I can tell you the honest truth about fighting: weight is almost everything.
Women walk around scared. Every. Fucking. Day.  Now I am aware that you all walk around a bit scared too because, whether you admit it or not, you are scared of being rejected or humiliated, since you are EXPECTED to be the one to put yourself out there and make yourself vulnerable.  But women–the lucky bitches–women get approached all the time! Right?

Women get approached because they are viewed as targets!

As in: men like to hunt them.  Usually the hunt ends in a conversation and a nice time, but sometimes it ends in blood.  Lip blood, vaginal blood, sometimes dead cold drying blood.

Yes, that is what it’s like for a woman.  Walking around terrified all the time that a man might just arbitrarily decide to hurt you, and there’s not a goddamn thing you can do about it. Women LONG for a man, partially for protection, but EVERY man is a threat until proven otherwise, and all they have for weapons is their social intelligence, a rape whistle, and a hope.
Now, why the fuck should you care?

Man, even if you are the most shallow guy in the world who just wants a pussy, ass or mouth to wet your dick in, you should care. Because the rape culture is making women afraid of you, and of sex in general.

Imagine a world where the CULTURE dictates that men who see any sort of misogyny should put a stop to it right away.

Where any man who sees some sort of excessive force takes action with equal force to put an end to it.  Where fucking cops don’t spend their efforts convincing women it’s not worth fighting for justice.
Where the reaction from friends and family is not accusation and disparagement (“Are you SURE that’s what happened? You’re not just overreacting/dramatizing/mis-remembering? This is a man’s life we’re talking about here!).

Where a woman’s character is not pilloried because she was unlucky enough to be victimized. (“She was wearing a MINI SKIRT.” “She had been DRINKING.” “She flirted with him in front of everyone!” “She slept with half the neighborhood, why should we believe that lying slut?”)
In that world?  IN THAT FUCKING WORLD?!

In a world where those who have the most power actually exercise it by–at the VERY LEAST–refusing to stay silent when they hear some dude telling a woman she is a bitch for not sleeping with him. All it takes is four simple words:
“That’s not cool man.”

In THAT world, you would get laid all the time.

WHY?
Because women LOVE SEX.
They actually love it more than you do. They want men (or women) to fuck them.  A lot.  And IN THAT WORLD, many of them would not even be all that picky about a quickie.
And even though most of you reading this are not rapists and most have not even accidentally misunderstood a signal and gone too far; it’s not your actions I am talking about here.  It is your inactions that are REALLY fucking things up.

So why make a change?

1) Do it for the children.
Some reports show as high as 70% of all rapes are by an immediate family member.  By making rape not OK anywhere, you give more options to those who wish to report abuse by their own family.

2) Do it for your fellow men who are raped
Yeah, even men are raped and a culture where people look the other way allows that to happen to anyone.

3) Do it for your mom
If 25% of women have been sexually assaulted in some way, then there is a decent chance that your own mom has been raped, Dude. Your own mom. But let’s say you hate your mom. What about your little sister? Or your second-grade teacher? Or your best female friend from elementary school. Chances are, some woman who has made a positive impact on your life has been or will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime. Chew on that for a while.

4) Do it for your self-respect
You know what is right.  Just because you’ve spent a lifetime kowtowing to whatever Alpha attitude happens to be running the table at the moment, doesn’t mean you have to keep doing it. Want to sleep better than you ever have? Want more genuine self-confidence? Put a stop to an injustice and stand up for your convictions.

5) Do it for your penis
Have you been paying attention? Not only will changing the culture make women more likely to spread their thighs for you, changing your attitude will do the same. That’s right, being RESPECTED is a serious turn-on, and integrity is fucking hot.

So the next time I see even one of you assholes make another disparaging comment about women, or respond to “I was raped” with “What were you wearing/doing/drinking/WHATEVER?”, or fail to stop some creep from making a woman uncomfortable, expect me to step in and stop YOU.

Because honestly, Asshole: you’re fucking it up for me.

Be like these guys instead:
http://austin.culturemap.com/newsdetail/07-12-12-14-37-the-best-response-weve-heard-to-daniel-toshs-misquoted-rape-jokes/
http://www.pcar.org/men-against-sexual-violence-masv
http://www.outsidethebeltway.com/teenage-rape-victim-will-not-be-held-in-contempt-for-naming-her-attackers/
http://www.hcs.harvard.edu/hmar/
http://www.rapeis.org/activism/prevention/menagainstrape.html
http://www.mencanstoprape.org/
http://marcnc.blogspot.com/
http://www.mencanstoprape.org/
http://www.menstoppingviolence.org/
http://www.nomas.org/
http://www.thedadman.com/
http://www.jamesontriplett.com/2012/04/25/i-stand-for-respect/
http://www.jacksonkatz.com/
http://www.hugoschwyzer.net/ 

Yeah, that’s right, the fact is that plenty of men reading this are already doing their best. And we really need you in order to stop the real evil predators out there.

And some of you could do more.  I find more that I can do all the time.  Even just in writing this I’ve learned a few more things I can do.  But I, alone, making a change will make no difference if you go out tonight and let your friend tell another dumb blonde joke, or brag that he hooked up with some chick who was so wasted she passed out halfway through.

The culture is shifting.  Be ahead of the curve. Re-read the 5 points listed above, go out tonight and put a stop to it.

Like a man.

GRE Misery

Not really. I just wanted a cute title that rhymed.

I arrived at a nondescript office building and proceeded to the suite of Prometric Testing Services.  There I showed my ID and received a key to a locker, where I was to put all my belongings, including my watch. The only thing I could keep was my ID and the locker key.

When my name was called I went into a glass office that looked into the testing room.  There a nice lady looked at my ID again, asked me for the last 4 digits of my phone number and took my picture.  Then things got a little TSA.  She asked me to pull out my pockets, stick my finger in the tiny front pocket, and turn around so she could see me put my hands in my back pockets.  Next I walked over to an X - I assume this special spot was visible to cameras - and she used a wand on me to scan for metal objects.   The whole place was rigged with cameras.

Via

 I had to sign in: 12:42 pm. After that I was allowed into the test room, which had about 16 cubicles with computers.  She provided me with yellow headphones, like you see on people at the airports directing the planes into the gates. I appreciated those because I did not want to be distracted by the sound of sobs or heads hitting keyboards.  She also provided me with pencils and a pink booklet of scratch paper.  I had to trade it in for another one during the test.  You can't have more than one at a time.

Once the test loaded my picture popped up on the screen for me to confirm that I was taking the test meant for me.  I had been resting my chin on my hand while I was at the desk, so my picture had the look of a 1990s Glamour Shot sans the feather boa and bad makeup.  I started cracking up when I saw it - a good way to start a 4 hour test I think.

Essays were first, one where I had to argue for or against mandating parental volunteering at schools. Then I had to analyze an argument about whether or not a college should build new dorms.  My essays were good.  The rest of the test alternated between quantitative and verbal.

I knew I would not get through all the quantitative, so my strategy was to give all questions a "B" or the second answer, just so everything had an answer and I didn't have to scramble at the end to make sure I didn't skip one. (Wrong answers don't count against you on the GRE.)

I did the data analysis and geometry first since I got most of those right during practice, then I worked through the rest.  For the probability problems I was like, "How the fuck am I supposed to know?" B. I'm in the 40th percentile in quantitative, but only 2 points below the average score, so I don't feel bad, and it's not like I'm going to graduate school for theoretical physics.

Don't worry about me.  I'm hunched over from GRE prep!

In the verbal section, I did the word choice problems first, then the short passages saving the long passage for last.  I finished those sections with 10 minutes to spare.  I felt like I got every question right, but apparently not since I was in the 80th percentlie, about 10 popints above the average.

The test took me exactly 4 hours, including my 10 minute break.  When I came back from the break, I had to do the pocket search and the wand again.  I felt like telling the lady she should at least buy me dinner.

I refused to let this test stress me out.  I stressed one night while I was studying, but I said no more.  If graduate school causes me undue stress, I'm going to lower my class load. I am striving for a low stress lifestyle.

This is the best fake smile ever

I used REAs Contextual Vocabulary and general GRE prep book. I don't remember seeing any of the vocabulary words on the GRE, and none of the 10-point words like nugatory, welter, or minatory.  I was able to work obviate into one of my essays, so that was good.  I wouldn't say that this book is necessary unless you really need the vocab help. I enjoy learning new words so I didn't regret the purchase. The other book explained math in an easy and fun way, so I'd definitely recommend it.

Overall it was an ok experience, but I'm glad to have it over.  The GRE completes my application, so I'll be waiting to hear if the program wants to interview me.

2012 Olympics Team USA Uniforms

Members of Congress are fuming because the uniforms for the 2012 Olympics in London were made in China. Pelosi and Boehner are angry. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid called for them to be burned. We know you're pissed, dude, but that is a little much.

via

 This is free market capitalism at work- making garments and trinkets and small household appliances where wages are the lowest. Why those wages are so low is not a concern.  Tommy Hilfiger probably had the chinese infrastructure in place already, so sending a few new designs there was a financial no-brainier.

But what in the world were they thinking? Tommy Hilfiger and Olympic Committee:  are you dumb? Did you not know that these garments would be some of the most scrutinized in the United States? The only garment I can think of that gets as much scrutiny is a First Lady's inaugural gown.  Those are always made in the USA.

First Lady Michelle Obama donates her gown to the Smithsonian March 2010

The politicians are playing to their bases in an election year, for sure, but come on Olympic Committee members.  This is a PR fiasco that did not have to happen.

Health Care Ruling

I'm a little disappointed in myself. I lament the polarization in politics today, but I sure am part of it. My jaw dropped when I read that Chief Justice Roberts wrote the majority opinion upholding the individual mandate. I assumed he was a partisan hack; I underestimated him.

Some say this part in the ruling will give Roberts cover to rule in a more conservative way in the future, because his supporters can point to the time he sided with the liberal justices in upholding an expansion of the federal government's reach. This may well be true, but I do need to work on respecting people I vehemently disagree with.

Open Letter to o.b.: Bring the Purple Back!

It has been a sad year or so since the purple has left my life.  I stocked up, but my supply is almost gone.  The super duper purples were perfect for overnight.  Purple is my favorite color.  It really is.  <<sad face>>

I've been a loyal customer since I started puberty.  I've never strayed unless caught in public and forced to bum a tampon off a stranger.

My dearest o.b.:  BRING THE PURPLE BACK!

I want this to be purple.