One of my meds is Celexa, and my psychiatrist told me at our last visit
that the dose I was on carried a risk of cardiac arrhythmia. This is
not a new drug, so I'm not sure why they just determined this. He said I
needed to go down to 40mg or switch to something else.
I had a
hell no, I won't go back moment. A panic of I'd rather die than go back
to how I was, but of course I survived that living hell to become the
person I am now. And everything would be ok if I got depressed again
because I have support systems in place, etc. It is not something I
want to have happen, ever, but I would get through it if it did.
I
accepted that I had to do it, but there was the issue of
discontinuation syndrome or withdrawal. I am very sensitive to this.
If I miss my morning medication I know by 3pm because I start getting
dizzy and getting the feeling. For me the feeling is similar to when
you're swinging and you're at the lowest point and the g-forces are the
highest. I'll get that feeling every couple of minutes, all day long,
but just in my brain. On Wikipedia others refer to them as "brain
zaps", "brain shocks", "brain shivers", "head shocks", or "cranial
zings." That's about right. It's not a constant thing, which perhaps
could blend into the background. I'm going about my day, then BAM I'm
on a swing.
My psychiatrist said just go down to 50mg for a week
and then to 40mg. Most people can do this, but not me. Even though I
knew better, I popped a pill in half, but by afternoon I was back at the
playground. I had to take it slow. It took me almost two months to drop
40mg because I went down by 2.5mg a week. I figured my body would not
miss such a small amount and I was right. It was a bitch cutting those
small pills into 8 pieces, but not going through withdrawal was more
than worth it.
Two weeks ago I finally got down to 40 mg and I am
quite pleased with myself. I was worried that my baseline would go
down, but it hasn't. My baseline is still "slightly good" rather than
just blah. I still have occasional moments of stress or sadness, but the
vast majority of the time is the gentle feeling that everything is ok.
And then there is the feeling of accomplishment I get from doing something I didn't think I could. Go me. :-)
