Health Care Ruling

I'm a little disappointed in myself. I lament the polarization in politics today, but I sure am part of it. My jaw dropped when I read that Chief Justice Roberts wrote the majority opinion upholding the individual mandate. I assumed he was a partisan hack; I underestimated him.

Some say this part in the ruling will give Roberts cover to rule in a more conservative way in the future, because his supporters can point to the time he sided with the liberal justices in upholding an expansion of the federal government's reach. This may well be true, but I do need to work on respecting people I vehemently disagree with.

The Recipe For This Blog

Add a pinch of personal narrative and a heaping tablespoon of sex to a bowl of dogs (preferably dachshunds, but substitutions are acceptable), stir it briskly with a riding crop, sift it through a dream catcher, and bake for 20 minutes at 325 degrees.

It's all very simple.

<<wink>>

Rage Isn't All That

My pretty mouth will frame the phrases that will
Disprove your faith in man
-Fiona Apple


My dad was an abusive fucker. He didn't do anything physical or sexual. He didn't have to.  He controlled my family with his violent, explosive, unpredictable temper. As a kid, there was nothing I could do but take it. Once I got old enough for college, I got the hell out of there.

I've got anger towards my mom for not divorcing him.  He not only abused her, he abused my brother and me.  She let her children be abused.  She has her reasons.  Intellectually I understand them, but I still feel angry and sad sometimes over the fact that things were the way they were.

However, this post is not about my mom.  It is about my dad.  And for him I don't have anger.  I have rage. A white-hot rage that fills my body and creates a lust for violence.  To be clear, I've never intentionally hurt anyone and I never intend to.  I feel bad killing ants, I save dragonflies from swimming pools, I rescue dogs and I adore children. But everyone has a dark side. This is mine.

What I think I want is vengeance, pure and simple. I think I want to make him suffer like I did. I think I want him to feel my absolute power over him, to make the decision of whether or not to show him any mercy.  I think I want him to know that I have that power and beg me for forgiveness. I think I want to get all Old Testament on his ass.

(In 2005, my dad shot himself in the chest and died minutes afterward.  He punished himself far worse than I ever could.)

What I think I want and what I need are two different things. What I've been working on so hard for the past couple of years is recognizing the behaviors that helped me survive back then but that don't serve me now.  I used to get so angry and not know why. This unacknowledged rage was why, and when my emotions were so much more that what a situation actually called for, I now know this rage had been triggered.  Then I can step back. What do they say: an odd reaction is an old reaction.

(I don't get angry like that anymore except occasionally around my mother's husband Steve.  He is the perfect stand in for my dad.  I may write about this some other time.)

What the Wrath of UTP covers up is so much worse than rage, so much harder to handle, and that is grief. It's a grief so strong that if I give in to it, it will double me over. Feeling angry is so much easier than feeling sad, at least for me, and I think that's why I used to be so angry. My work now is to grieve for that little girl who grew up in a house that took her sensitive and creative nature and warped it into something ugly.

I used to think all the inner child stuff was a bunch of BS, but now I see a point to it.  I'll probably write about that some other time too. 

Dachshund Love - International Relations Edition

I'm neutral BUT not afraid / catskillsgrrl

Vintage Postcard Wallace Robinson 1915 - English Bulldog, German Dachshund, American Bull Terrier, French Bulldog, Russian Wolf Hound

Strap-On Technique

These long videos offer useful tips, some of which I've filed away for future use.

Link to Video

Video One- 
Picking the right harness and dildo.
Kink University is back in session and the sexy and talented Isis Love is here to teach you the basics of strap-on fucking with Holly Heart. Learn how to get the perfect fit inside and out by selecting the right cock, harness, lube, and condoms. When you're strapped on and ready for action, Isis shows us all the right positions, angles and techniques.

Link to Video

Video Two-  Vaginal Sex.

Link to Video

  
Video Three-  Anal Sex.

Dachshund Love- Military Edition

A Lethal Combination / drakegoodman

Caption from Flickr: Ready for the hunt. A Militär Beamte (see below) with his Fernglas (binoculars), Jägerpfeife (hunter's pipe), double-barreled shotgun and trusty dachshund. The dachshund (literally badger-dog) is a popular hunting dog, with a keen sense of smell and owing to it's odd-shape, an ability to flush out badgers and other burrow-dwelling animals.

Tips on Power Exchange for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Time I Orgasmed in the Chesapeake Bay

A friend told me I needed to write about this. Mr. A this is for you.

On Memorial Day weekend I had the most wonderful time on the western shore of the Chesapeake Bay in Calvert County. I drove down on Sunday afternoon with the intention of walking and collecting fossil shark teeth and sea glass. As I drove down the the beach, I changed my mind and decided I would swim.  The water was so calm and the angle of the sun illuminated three rows of sand bars.  I had to get in.

I should add here that I did not have a bathing suit, so I took my bra off and went in the water with a jean shirt and t-shirt. I didn't have on any undies, so they didn't have to come off. It took me wading out about 80 feet to get to water that was chest level. (While I was in the water, my dog H swam out to me a couple of times.  Once he was to me, he wanted to hang out on my shoulder to get out of the water.  I had to send him back to the beach for the rest of this story.)


Treading water combined with lack of panties created interesting sensations and I got a little turned on. So I was like what the hell? I'll do what I want. I'm so far out that the kids and old folks on the beach can't tell what I'm doing.

Raindrop / Mea Culpa Merlin

But this was more special than rubbing one out in a swimming pool. I'm not a religious person, but I will grudgingly admit that I'm spiritual, especially around water, and especially in this water. All the molecules are connected and I get to be in it. Dipping a toe in the Bay feels like I'm dipping a toe in the the Ganges.  I'm swimming in the Pacific with whales and seals. The water washing over me has helped plants to grow and animals to nourish themselves. Once their lives are over, in decay, the water that sustained them evaporates back into the atmosphere.

 In addition to the tactile pleasure I was feeling, reveling in this connectedness made me want to cum even more. During quick tension and release of the orgasm, with my insides still contracting, I withdrew into myself and imagined I was swirling in a sea of blood, rain, piss, glacial streams, cum, mountain springs, spit, snow, tears. Waves caressed my neck and shoulders. Once I opened my eyes, the sky was blue, so so blue. I felt alive and part of something so much bigger than myself.

Dachsund Love - Wienermobile Edition

Scott Beale / Laughing Squid

Dance / Justin Day

Payday Loans

A coworker of mine, one that I am very close with, one who considers herself my Maryland Mom, is using pay day loans. I walked around the corner of her cube before she closed the window. On the site the lowest APR is over 400%. I assume that people use these type of loans when they are in desperate need of money but can't get it in a more reasonable way. I could be wrong. I hope I am wrong.

I am sad that someone I care about is in trouble.

Relationships in Fifty Shades of Grey

I was talking with a friend the other day, a mid-twenties woman name K. We both started exploring kink in January of this year, occasionally we compare notes, and our experiences have been oddly parallel.

K and I are pretty regular play partners.  We met while I was under the influence of a rare bout of social confidence. She agreed to be my demo bottom for wax play at a Dungeon 101 event, that led to spanking, and then to pretty regular play. I enjoy spanking her, and she ends up a pile of melted butter once we are done, but there is nothing sexual about it in that we are not attracted to one another. Well it is sexual insofar as spanking and stroking a woman's backside is sexual, but I'm not so turned on that I have to go home and masturbate.

K struck up a friendship with a polyamorous married forty-something from the capital region of New York.  I'll call him Albany. The initial meeting, again at a Dungeon 101 event, led to nearly daily e-mail communication and a long distance dominant/submissive relationship.  For instance, he will tell her how many times she must orgasm in a given week, or if she must abstain from orgasm altogether. On occasion he will take the train down to DC and use her poor ass as a demo bottom for D101.  Sex is a hard limit for both of them, but he has stayed at her apartment.  During that stay Albany told her she could not use any of her furniture.

Kitchen Kinks / 60 in 3

Aside from K, I've been playing with a married early-thirties man. I met him and his wife at a munch very early on and gradually we have built up a play relationship. Within the scene there is a definite sexual chemistry. A very hot sexual chemistry. But unlike K and Albany, the dynamic does not carry out into real life.  The three of us have been out to eat and gone on nature excursions without random incidences of spanking breaking out. I guess that is the difference between bdsm and d/s.  D/s goes with you everywhere if you let it.

Being the social animals we are, K and I were trying to make sense of all this.  These are relationships, but they are not dating relationships and they don't fit the contours of any relationships we've had before.  Are they friends with benefits? Doesn't friends with benefits mean you're fucking?  Neither of us are doing that with any of the people we hang out with. But "just friends" don't spank you, control your orgasms, or drive you crazy at the local sex club. Trying to categorize makes less and less sense as we travel down this rabbit hole. What we have found are relationships that come in various shades of grey.

CJLL #5 - Display

Close Ups after the jump