Frankly, I'm surprised I'm getting around to this so soon. I've only been in the scene since December 2011. It is a testament to how safe I feel and the quality of the people I am meeting. Below is the negotiation about a scene that will take place this weekend.
========
Me: Hey! It was nice meeting the two of you as well. I'll look forward to seeing you this weekend.
R: If you're still interested in playing on Saturday night, I'd
definitely like to discuss it this week so that we're both on the same
page! Anything you can tell me about what you would want and wouldn't want would be wonderful. I am all about aiming to please, so the more details we can work out in advance, the better!
Of course, if you don't feel comfortable playing, that's perfectly
fine too... no pressure at all. Just want to advertise my availability
(and interest)! :)
Me: About playing, I want to do my due diligence. I'm assuming this is all ok with your wife. Is this correct?
Assuming the answer is yes, I would love to play on Sat! Thank you for taking the initiative. I'm thinking a flogging is what I'd like. Your wife mentioned that the one you have is more sting than thud. That's ok, but you will have to start out slow. If you also have a paddle or other spanking things, let me know. I have zero toys.
I'll definitely have my shirt off, so my whole back will be accessible. Depending on how I feel, I may take my pants off to give access to ass and thighs. I've only been flogged on my back, so these other areas might be sensitive.
I guess the word for the evening will be slow.
During D101, I had a hard time finding the right place for my arms on the cross, so I might like to have them strapped to the top, not so much for the feeling of restraint, but for comfort. We'll see how it feels.
That's all for now. Do you have any thoughts or questions?
R: Doing due diligence is exactly what I/we are looking for, especially
in this relatively early stage of everything -- I'd be concerned if you
didn't! BTW, nothing is ever set in stone, either; by talking things
out now, you aren't bound (ha, inadvertent kink joke) to anything. If
you want to bail out at any point, I will think nothing of it. You're
totally in charge.
Yes, this is all okay with S. You are of course free to discuss
anything with her; perhaps I'll have her write to you as a courtesy.
I have a single flogger. It's suede, which supposedly is
middle-of-the-road in terms of intensity. Some thud, some sting. I am
certainly fine with starting slow (and staying slow, if that's what you
like). One particular method that I have used in the past is to strike
with the flogger and ask S. to rate it in terms of intensity (1 to
10, 10 being hardest). I can then use that as a guide for the rest of
the time (e.g. if I start and she tells me that I'm at a 4, and to
please not go any harder than a 6, I have an idea of what's too hard and
what's hard enough).
In terms of other equipment that I have been bringing to the
Crucible, I have a standard riding crop, a baton (which can ONLY be used
lightly!), a glove with a leather palm that I have used for
spanking/slapping, a jambiya (fairly dull decorative knife), a
wartenburg pinwheel, and my violet wand kit. I'd be happy to use any,
all, or none of these with you. If you want to give something a try,
I'm happy to oblige.
Regarding attaching you to a cross or the hanging chains, we have these that work fantastically well: http://stockroom.com/Grip-Cuffs-w-Fur-Lining-Black-… -- they let your hands more or less relax, and they're quite comfortable as far as these sorts of things go.
With regard to thoughts/questions:
- Do you want me to talk to you throughout? I feel like some would
prefer a top to stay generally silent. I talk to S. almost
constantly. If you're not sure, we can just see how it goes as it goes.
- I would like to have an idea of where touch comes into play here,
if at all. If this is going to be entirely hands-off, that's fine, I
just want to know before we begin! Personally, I enjoy mixing the
impacts with rubbing/touching, but if you would prefer me not to do so,
that's totally okay.
- Remembering your concern about how you felt after the violet wand
demonstration, I'd like to know where you stand on sexual play. What
are the hard limits in terms of where I can go with the flogger (or
other instrument)? And hands? I want you to enjoy yourself, of course,
but not at the expense of second-guessing it later on.
I know I've said a lot here, but you asked, so there it is!
Likewise, any questions or thoughts you want to share with me, please do
so.
Best,
R
Me: Thanks for the reply. Written on my tablet so it will be terse.
Touching and rubbing- back, arms, shoulders only. You can hit the ass and spank the ass but not ruuuuuub it. Too sexual.
I'm not comfortable showing my boobs to everyone plus the wanker, so I
want to be on the cross. If that doesn't work with the cuffs then so be
it.
Talking-Right now I'm thinking checking in only once in a while. I like the 1-10 thing.
Other toys- everything but the knife (scary!) & wand
I'm excited!
R: No worries on being terse. I just like to write a lot, and I like details. :)
Understood on the rub/no-rub zones. Pretty easy to remember.
The cuffs should work with the cross -- if I remember, the crosses
have attach points at the top. If not, we'll work without 'em, no
worries.
I'll check in with you periodically. I will probably lean towards
checking too often rather than not often enough, at least for this first
time!
I'm excited and honored.
If you think of anything else you want to discuss, let me know!
