Monday, January 9, 2012

Crush My Heart

I’ve got a horrible crush on a co-worker, H. This is how bad I have it for this guy:

My dad had this habit of clearing his throat all the time, and it annoyed the poo out of the whole family.  When H does it at this desk just around the corner from me, I get a warm, affectionate feeling.

H went with me and a couple other people to Dungeon 101.  We all tried the spanking, and the presenter let me and another friend spank him.  I enjoyed having my hands all over his ass, of course, but what I remember the most was stroking his lower back.  His skin was so soft, smooth and warm.

The next morning he sent me a text saying “Thanks for a great night.”  I’ve looked at it countless times just because.

I have dreams about him.  They aren’t sex dreams.  They are love dreams.  I confess my love to him or he confesses his love to me. Sometime I wake up crying. Luckily last night I got some respite and dreamt about a marble fawn.  (Will post on that later)

What I like about him is that he listens to me.  He and I can talk about anything (our conversations inevitably end up on sex) and he does not judge. He has real affection for me.  All of this is platonic of course.  I’m not used to being treated like that, and I am confusing that with romantic feelings I think. I want to be wanted. It also doesn’t help that he is hot and single.

Seriously I wake up crying from a dream about our romantic wedding. Why can’t I channel this energy into a relationship with someone I can have?