Thoughts on Princess Donna and other Porn Stars

I was a huge Princess Donna fan. Such a fierce domme, gorgeous, mean in a caring way. Of course I still am, but I’m not a fan of her more recent endeavors as a bottom. I know that Princess Donna does not do anything Princess Donna doesn’t want to do, but I don’t like seeing her thrown about, spit on, slapped across the face, and face fucked. What happened to you Princess Donna? Where did you go? Somehow, it just doesn’t seem right. I could be projecting since I have no interest in any of those things.

I don't think I'm projecting. I was talking with a friend about this, and he said he felt the same about Felony. As a sub, he said, she was beyond compare. (I had to look her up and he was right!) But, he said, more recently they've [Kink.com] had her doing domme-related things, and it just feels wrong to me.

First, there is the issue that Kink.com "has [Felony] doing domme-related things."  We are talking like she has no agency.  She probably wanted to try new things or get out of bottoming.

I found a nice clip with Felony being topped by the lovely Bobbi Starr, and as I read the comments, the same issue he had with Felony popped up, but in REVERSE. "She is a true domme" or "She is no good at bottoming because her natural state is a top."

It seems that the first role we see an actress in - top or bottom - is how we assume she is and should be forever.  When we see something different, it causes cognitive dissonance.  It just doesn't feel right.

Do male actors have this issue as well?  I have to admit I do not know if male actors switch as often on the same websites.

Dream Last night: Jersey Mike's and Looking for the Metro

Steve, Mom and someone else were visiting me, but the surrounding were more like NYC than DC.  We came out of a building at a different place than we went in, and had a hard time finding the metro.  We walked around a lot.  We ended up in a courtyard lined with tall trees covered in fuchsia flowers.  A man in a low-to-the-ground silver sports car pulled up and asked us if we know where the metro was. He asked if one of us would like to go with him to drive around and find it (there was only the passenger seat available; it was a small car) and then come back with the information.  We declined. [In reality, I would have put Steve in there in the hopes that he would be abducted and killed.  Only partially kidding!] We ended up driving around for a long time.

…

Me and the same folks were deciding where to eat, and we ended up going to Jersey Mike’s.  However, this was the Jersey Mike’s from hell.  The sandwiches were about 2 inches wide.  I was not a happy camper.  I complained to the manager. I told him this is not how Jersey Mike’s is supposed to be.  In order to pay, you had to go down a hall to a black steel door.  There was a man in there who would take your money, but you had to slide it under the door.  This was to prevent theft.  I ended up getting in there and talking to him.  I told him that at the Laurel, Maryland location they acted like they were happy to see me, that their sandwiches were good. [This is true.  I drive about half an hour to get there.  I go just for the sandwiches - #12]

BDSM Insights

Topping is like writing a piece of music- you need rhythm, ebbing and flowing, soft and hard all mixed together. I like being responsible for another person's sensations and seeing the reactions they have to what I do. While I enjoy it very much, it's not entirely about me; it's about giving the other person the experience they want to have. If that means causing pain, I'm more than happy to do it, but I'm not going to cause pain solely for my own pleasure. I just don't work that way.

The more I top, the more I crave bottoming. The more intense my topping fantasies, the more I want to be broken down by a beating. With kindness and respect and trust of course. I want to bend to the pounding of a flogger on my back, wince at the sting of a riding crop on the soles of my feet.

The best way I can describe my feelings is by using the image of a balance scale. I feel best when one side is not too much higher or lower than the other, when I'm not all top and no bottom, for instance.

I wonder if this need is why I am being so forward asking people to play.  I was never like this, never asked anyone out on a date; I was, and still am, very secretive with my crushes.  Some men talk about how their sex drives are so biological and primal, and that that may be one of the reasons they can be so forward with approaching potential sex partners.  I feel like I look at finding a top the same way.  I’ll ask and if I get turned down, so what.  Eventually someone will say yes. So my question: is this personal growth or my need to fulfill a desperate desire? Or both?

Carrie Brownstein is Just Like Me

Carrie Brownstein, New Yorker, Stumptown Girl, 2012:

“What seems to have defined me more is that I’m pretty horrible at relationships and haven’t been in many long-term ones. Leaving and moving on—returning to a familiar sense of self-reliance and autonomy—is what I know; that feeling is as comfortable and comforting as it might be for a different kind of person to stay.”

Amen.